PATTERNS - or a chaotic foreword

WARSAW, POLAND

The idea of creating a Transcontinental Sisters blog dedicated to the problem of discrimination of women based on sex in which women from different parts of the world would exchange both their problems, experiences and applicable solutions came up to my mind over a month ago. I shared it with various women from Poland, Bangladesh, USA and Spain and was welcome with warmth and enthusiasm. And after that I got silent. I was dreaming about beautiful initial post with many quotations and references to literature. But all the time I was missing something, I felt I needed to read more, find some fragments that were stuck in my head.  And I was writing down sentences without knowing how to make them into a whole.
That is why I decided to open this blog not with a sublime essay but with slightly chaotic confession related to the matter which has made me irritated and anxious for last few days. It is a question of patterns.

A bit over two months ago I got back from a private trip to Asia. I had been saving up for this for a year by working at a few places at the time and denying myself everyday pleasures. I had a goal in front of me and nothing else mattered. Probably that was the reason why regular grumbling of my surrounding was imperceptible for me. But I got back. I entered my reality again. And then it started.
Why won’t you change job? Why aren’t you looking for an additional job/ Why aren’t you making a PHD? Why don’t you want to become an accountant? You should start thinking of your future. Get out of your house, meet men, start building up something permanent. You are not getting any younger, soon younger people will get your position. I love you, why don’t you want to marry me?
Or in  more official manner:
You should start thinking of pregnancy, it’s the best age to give birth. Pills which I am going to give you are expensive but you have to force your partner to share the costs of contraceptives. Don’t you think that a more elegant style would suit you better? As a woman you shall have not only debit card but also a credit one - no one needs to know what you spend your money at and everybody knows that women love shopping.
Or more in a more general one:
All women dream about white dress and church. The wedding where everybody gets drunk is not important at all.

I feel like howling. First time since the beginning of January I really want to hawl. Because my current life suits me. I like it. I have close people around me. My house is always open. And there are friends and newcomers in it. There is lot’s of joy and happiness.
I do not want to get married. I do not dream about church because I am an atheist and I simply look awful in white. If I was to get married most important for me would be a good party. But so far I am not even in mood for relationships. I by my peels myself because I do not want anyone to interfere in my choices, plus - who said I have only one permanent partner?! I am scared of babies. I do not build anything fixed because I value my independence and a bit of unknown hidden in the future. If i make plans, I make them to have something to modify. I hate shopping unless I am buying books or plane tickets. I do not dream about PHD but of postgraduate studies absolutely not related to my hereto engineering education. And my work allows me to travel and do many other things which is important for me although I would like to earn more. And the only thing that bothers me and disturbs in realization of my small and big goals are those never-ending questions. And one question that I ask myself - do man also hear so many of them?

In modern society which seems to be lucking traditional division of sexes women still play particular roles. They move on a restricted area surrounded by phrases like “it’s not proper for a woman to”, “at this age woman should”, “it’s not polite if a lady”. How many times have we heard our own mothers (most of whom love us and repeats those things for our own good) using all those words? How many times have we been asking ourselves “should I”? I have the feeling that it happened way more often than to our brothers, fathers, lovers, partners or colleagues...

This abundance of questions was one of the first impulses which made me start this blog and ask women with beautiful minds to join me...
And the first question I want to ask you - readers of I hope both sexes - is: “What kind of unwanted roles do you play in life?”

The date of publishing of this first post is naturally not accidental. Today we celebrate International Women’s Day. The holiday of us all no matter where we are from, who we are and if our femininity is important to us or not. And on this occasion i wish all the women the moment to find and define in themselves the patterns which make them unable to fully realize themselves. Because that is the first step towards personal freedom...

I WISH YOU ALL THE FEMININE!

Aleksandra Peszkowska