Dhaka, Bangladesh
Warning... I will be RANTING BIG time!!!!!!
I have ranted about the idiocy of certain people on LinkedIn who seems to think that this professional networking tool is synonymous to a dating website or worse. Today, though this particular message that I got on my inbox really topped the limit of my tolerance and just to be sure that I am not being short fused, I circulated it to the girls in my office and asked their opinion. Everyone, including the men, were shocked and outraged.
So NO, I do not have a short fuse if that would be your excuse for shoo'ing off this post. This guy doesn't have an excuse and neither does anyone else who even condones these kind of requests. Just the fact that this guy sent it in a private message to my inbox is tantamount to solid evidence of his low IQ and understanding of what it means to be a progressive woman. No one in their right mind should send a message like this to someone like ME on a professional networking site. Not only am I least likely to help find that idiot/bakra who would answer this ad, I also wrote a very stern message back on the proper use of LinkedIn AND I am the kind of person who would speak out against idiotic things like this instead of brushing it off as another idiotic cultural practice. Sorry, culture is made by each one of us, society is made by each one of us with every single act of ours. We do not get to brush these off and pretend like they don't happen.
I am posting the message that I received with english translation on the side and then below I will tell you why I find these kind of messages so sad that they make me mad.
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Date: 3/27/2013
Subject: পাএী চাই পাএী চাই (bride wanted, bride wanted)
পাএ কেমন.......... (how is the groom)
১)পাএ এর দাদা বাড়ী নরসিংদী জিলায়। (groom's paternal grandfather is from Norsingdi district)
৩)ঢাকার স্থায়ী বাসিন্দা(মোহাম্মদপুর) ওয়ারীশ সূত্রে পাএ এর নামে ৪টি ফ্ল্যাট আছে। (groom is permanently settled in Dhaka & has inherited 4 apartments)
৪)পাএরা - ৩ভাই+১বোন (the groom has 3 brothers and 1 sister)
৫)পাএ পরিবারের ৩য় সন্তান(ভাই+ভাই+পাএ+বোন) (the groom is the 3rd one among the siblings in the order - brother, brother, groom, sister).
৭)প্রাইভেট প্রতিষ্ঠানে কর্মরত (working in a private company)
৮)পাএ এর উচচতা-৫’-৫”,ওজন-৫৫ কেজি (groom is 5'5" in height and weights 55 kgs)
৯)পাএ-নামাযী (groom prays)
১১)পাএ মিশুক এবং ভ্রমন প্রয়াসী। (groom is social and likes to travel)
১২)পাএ সাধাসিধা জীবন ধারনে অভ্যস্ত। (groom is used to the simple life)
১৩)পাএ এর জম্ম সন-১৯৮৫ (groom was born on 1985)
১৪)পাএের রক্তের গ্রুপ-+O কেমন.......... (groom has O+ blood group)
পাএী চাই। (bride wanted)
১)দাদা বাড়ী বৃহত্তর ঢাকা জিলার হলে ভাল হয়। (it would be better if her paternal grandfather hails from greater Dhaka district)
২)নানার বাড়ী বৃহত্তর ঢাকা জিলার হলে ভাল হয়। (it would be better if her maternal grandfather hails from greater Dhaka district)
৩)ঢাকার বাসিন্দা হতে হবে/হলে ভাল হয়। (should be/better if permanently settled in Dhaka)
৪)ছোট শিক্ষিত পরিবার হতে হবে। (must be from educated and small size family)
৫)পাএীকে পরিবারের ১ম সন্তান না হলে ভাল হয়। (better if she is not the eldest child of the family)
৬)পাএীকে নূন্নতম অনার্স ডিগ্রী পাশ হতে হবে। (bride must be at least graduate)
৭)চাকরীজীবি চলবে, তবে প্রয়োজনে চাকরী ছেড়ে দিতে হবে। (service holder will do, but must leave job if necessary)
৮)নূন্নতম উচচতা-৫’-২”,উচচতার সহিত শরীর এর ওজন এর ভারসাম্যতা থাকতে হবে। (bride must be at least 5'2" in height with proportionate weight)
৯)পাএীকে নামাযী (অবশ্যই ৫ ওয়াক্ত)হতে হবে। (bride must pray 5 times a day)
১০)পাএীকে ফর্সা/উজ্জল শ্যামলা হতে হবে। (bride must be fair or bright brown in skin color)
১১)পাএীকে মিশুক হতে হবে। (bride must be social)
১২)পাএীকে সাধাসিধা জীবন ধারনে অভ্যস্ত হতে হবে। (bride must be used to the simple life)
১৩)পাএীকে –পাএ থেকে নূন্নতম ৩-৫ বছর ছোট হলে ভাল হয়। (bride must be at least 3-5 years younger than the groom)
১৪)পাএীর রক্তের গ্রুপ-+O হলে চলবে না। (Bride's blood group cannot be O+)
শুধু মাএ পাএী এবং পাএীর অবিভাবকদের যোগাযোগ করতে অনুরোধ রইল। ধন্যবাদ--আনিস (only bride's and their parents/guardians are requested to contact. thank you, Anis.)
- Feeling like an idiot today? Welcome to my world!
You know what gets my goat? I was extremely tempted to inquire as to whether they are looking for a bride for the groom, someone who is going to share his life with him, or are they looking to buy a cow for sacrifice? You know what we do when we look for these cows that we sacrifice every year? We decide on a budget, on the color, the size, the age, the height and then we go poke around in the cattle market. We look at the teeth, the hoofs, the condition of the skin, then we haggle with the trader on the price while pointing out faults even if we have no intention of actually buying that particular cow.
The bride being looked for .... resembles that cow to me.
- Is this good looking enough for you????
The groom prays but the bride MUST be the 5 times a day praying type. REALLY? What is that?? guarantee of character? Cause buddy I can show you thousands of people who pray 5 times a day and then go kill, lie, steal, rape and do everything under the sun that is prohibited in ANY religion.
The groom skin color is brown but the bride must be fair or bright brown. Well if the girl has to be willing to marry someone who has darker skin color than her... then WHY does he have a problem?
While the groom himself has 3 other siblings and THAT is not a small family in size, the bride unfortunately MUST be from a small family. Dude, shouldn't family planning have started right from your own?
She cannot be the eldest child of the family. Why? Because she might have responsibilities to her parents and younger sibling? And neither he or his family is willing to put up with it?
Let me tell you, in Bangladesh, men & women, don't marry each other. It is the families that get married to each other. So once she is married to him, she'll be required to overnight become a part of the family and treat his parents as her own or better with less than half the respect, honor, love and care that will be shown to their own daughter. Is that a worthy trade? The family here is clearly unwilling to take on any additional responsibility, yet they have a list of demand from the bride already which gives quite an interesting indication of how much more they will be demanding after marriage.
The groom has passed his Masters but he's looking for a Graduate. Obviously she not only has to be younger in age (easier to control) but will also have to be less educated than him and absolutely not career oriented. I mean c'mon, they are blatantly stating that even though a service holder will do, she has to be willing to leave the job if necessary. More control issues with obvious underlying insecurities!
This is soooooooooooooooooooo wrong in sooooooooooooooo many different levels that honestly I am at a loss for words. The saddest thing is probably that someone or the other is bound to respond to this ad/offer and I can't think of anything worse than this for the woman who is proposed as the bride.
When people pray for marriage partners, when the religious leaders advised on what to look for in marriage partners, I honestly doubt that any of the above in the checklist was part of that advice. Women pray for soul mates, for someone who will treat them well, be their soul mate, their best friend. Some one who will bring out the best in them as they will for the other. Some one to have children with and love and laugh with for the rest of their lives. And no where in this ad/post/request/offer do I see any of that.........
- Answer to this prayer? I think NOT !!!!!
For me to get this ... on Linkedin ... is simply hitting the bottom in so many ways! Women being dragged back thousands of years and I have to witness it? Silently? I think not.
