These are the commandments that no warrior of light can obey.

I love "Manual of the Warrior of Light" by Paulo Coelho. This is the one book that has been thumbed so much over the years that it is worn around the edges. My favorite pages are dog-eared around the corner and just as most people will open their Bible or Quran to refer back to their favorite passage, I thumb through the book, re-reading pages that I have loved so much over the years.

Since today is "April Fool's Day", I have been thinking of doing a post on the things that we fool ourselves about.

We fool ourselves into thinking that if you state what you want it makes you selfish. We fool ourselves into thinking that 'we' have to fit into society, forgetting that 'we' ARE the society. We fool ourselves into thinking that being authentically you is somehow not acceptable. Being different is not acceptable. That somehow we women have to be 'superwoman' in order to have it all, family, career, children, friends. We fool ourselves into thinking that being busy with things that bring us no joy is better than sitting idle. We, women, fool ourselves into thinking that being married is better than being a wallflower. We fool ourselves into believing that when others tell us that we are less than them, not protesting is good because protesting creates waves and has fingers pointing at us.

As the saying goes, you can fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool all the people at all times. You might buy into these foolish notions, you might choose to remain silent, you might choose not to shine. Don't fool yourself into thinking that it is not your choice. Your heart, your soul would not accept that lie.

Because it is your choice.

Every day, every moment is a chance to be reborn again. To redefine your reality. To choose anew. To choose better. It IS your choice that makes up the moments that turns into the days and years of your life. If you don't like what you see, then simply resolve to choose again, then work for it, for however long it takes, however many days or years it takes, walk towards your destination. Take small resolute steps, falter and fall, but pick yourself up repeatedly and keep on moving towards that goal.

And when you need to, remember these words below, they'll give you the reason you are looking for.

The reason of why you spend sleepless nights, restless in your own soul. Why you are still searching, looking, not knowing what it is that you are looking for. Because these may be the commandments that you are living with when you know in your soul that you shouldn't.

These are the commandments that no warrior of light can obey. 

First: God is sacrifice. Suffer in this life and you will be happy in the next.

Second: People who have fun are childish. Remain tense at all times.

Third: Other people know what is best for us because they have more experience.

Fourth: Our duty is to make other people happy. We must please them even if that means making major sacrifices.

Fifth: We must not drink from the cup of happiness, we might get to like it and we won't always have it in our hands.

Sixth: We must accept all punishments. We are guilty.

Seventh: Fear is a warning. We don't want to take any risks.

These are the commandments that no warrior of light can obey.

Related articles

• The Manual of the Warrior of Light - Paulo Coelho (kineticscribe.wordpress.com)

Women equated to "bakra" on LinkedIn

Dhaka, Bangladesh

Warning... I will be RANTING BIG time!!!!!!

I have ranted about the idiocy of certain people on LinkedIn who seems to think that this professional networking tool is synonymous to a dating website or worse. Today, though this particular message that I got on my inbox really topped the limit of my tolerance and just to be sure that I am not being short fused, I circulated it to the girls in my office and asked their opinion. Everyone, including the men, were shocked and outraged.

So NO, I do not have a short fuse if that would be your excuse for shoo'ing off this post. This guy doesn't have an excuse and neither does anyone else who even condones these kind of requests. Just the fact that this guy sent it in a private message to my inbox is tantamount to solid evidence of his low IQ and understanding of what it means to be a progressive woman. No one in their right mind should send a message like this to someone like ME on a professional networking site. Not only am I least likely to help find that idiot/bakra who would answer this ad, I also wrote a very stern message back on the proper use of LinkedIn AND I am the kind of person who would speak out against idiotic things like this instead of brushing it off as another idiotic cultural practice. Sorry, culture is made by each one of us, society is made by each one of us with every single act of ours. We do not get to brush these off and pretend like they don't happen.

I am posting the message that I received with english translation on the side and then below I will tell you why I find these kind of messages so sad that they make me mad.

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Date: 3/27/2013

Subject: পাএী চাই পাএী চাই (bride wanted, bride wanted)

পাএ কেমন..........  (how is the groom)

১)পাএ এর দাদা বাড়ী নরসিংদী জিলায়। (groom's paternal grandfather is from Norsingdi district)

২)পাএ এর নানার বাড়ী নরসিংদী জিলায়। (groom's maternal grandfather is from Norsingdi district)

৩)ঢাকার স্থায়ী বাসিন্দা(মোহাম্মদপুর) ওয়ারীশ সূত্রে পাএ এর নামে ৪টি ফ্ল্যাট আছে। (groom is permanently settled in Dhaka & has inherited 4 apartments)

৪)পাএরা - ৩ভাই+১বোন (the groom has 3 brothers and 1 sister)

৫)পাএ পরিবারের ৩য় সন্তান(ভাই+ভাই+পাএ+বোন)  (the groom is the 3rd one among the siblings in the order - brother, brother, groom, sister).

৬)পাএ-বিকম(অনার্স),এমকম(একাউন্টিং) Groom has passed B.Com (Hons) and M.Com (Accounting)

৭)প্রাইভেট প্রতিষ্ঠানে কর্মরত (working in a private company)

৮)পাএ এর উচচতা-৫’-৫”,ওজন-৫৫ কেজি (groom is 5'5" in height and weights 55 kgs)

৯)পাএ-নামাযী (groom prays)

১০)পাএের গা-এর রং শ্যামলা (groom's skin color is dark brown)

১১)পাএ মিশুক এবং ভ্রমন প্রয়াসী। (groom is social and likes to travel)

১২)পাএ সাধাসিধা জীবন ধারনে অভ্যস্ত। (groom is used to the simple life)

১৩)পাএ এর জম্ম সন-১৯৮৫ (groom was born on 1985)

১৪)পাএের রক্তের গ্রুপ-+O কেমন..........  (groom has O+ blood group)

পাএী চাই। (bride wanted)

১)দাদা বাড়ী বৃহত্তর ঢাকা জিলার হলে ভাল হয়। (it would be better if her paternal grandfather hails from greater Dhaka district)

২)নানার বাড়ী বৃহত্তর ঢাকা জিলার হলে ভাল হয়। (it would be better if her maternal grandfather hails from greater Dhaka district)

৩)ঢাকার বাসিন্দা হতে হবে/হলে ভাল হয়। (should be/better if permanently settled in Dhaka)

৪)ছোট শিক্ষিত পরিবার হতে হবে। (must be from educated and small size family)

৫)পাএীকে পরিবারের ১ম সন্তান না হলে ভাল হয়। (better if she is not the eldest child of the family)

৬)পাএীকে নূন্নতম অনার্স ডিগ্রী পাশ হতে হবে। (bride must be at least graduate)

৭)চাকরীজীবি চলবে, তবে প্রয়োজনে চাকরী ছেড়ে দিতে হবে। (service holder will do, but must leave job if necessary)

৮)নূন্নতম উচচতা-৫’-২”,উচচতার সহিত শরীর এর ওজন এর ভারসাম্যতা থাকতে হবে। (bride must be at least 5'2" in height with proportionate weight)

৯)পাএীকে নামাযী (অবশ্যই ৫ ওয়াক্ত)হতে হবে। (bride must pray 5 times a day)

১০)পাএীকে ফর্সা/উজ্জল শ্যামলা হতে হবে। (bride must be fair or bright brown in skin color)

১১)পাএীকে মিশুক হতে হবে। (bride must be social)

১২)পাএীকে সাধাসিধা জীবন ধারনে অভ্যস্ত হতে হবে। (bride must be used to the simple life)

১৩)পাএীকে –পাএ থেকে নূন্নতম ৩-৫ বছর ছোট হলে ভাল হয়। (bride must be at least 3-5 years younger than the groom)

১৪)পাএীর রক্তের গ্রুপ-+O হলে চলবে না। (Bride's blood group cannot be O+)

শুধু মাএ পাএী এবং পাএীর অবিভাবকদের যোগাযোগ করতে অনুরোধ রইল। ধন্যবাদ--আনিস (only bride's and their parents/guardians are requested to contact. thank you, Anis.)

Feeling like an idiot today? Welcome to my world!

You know what gets my goat? I was extremely tempted to inquire as to whether they are looking for a bride for the groom, someone who is going to share his life with him, or are they looking to buy a cow for sacrifice? You know what we do when we look for these cows that we sacrifice every year? We decide on a budget, on the color, the size, the age, the height and then we go poke around in the cattle market. We look at the teeth, the hoofs, the condition of the skin, then we haggle with the trader on the price while pointing out faults even if we have no intention of actually buying that particular cow.

 The bride being looked for .... resembles that cow to me.

Is this good looking enough for you????

 The groom prays but the bride MUST be the 5 times a day praying type. REALLY? What is that?? guarantee of character? Cause buddy I can show you thousands of people who pray 5 times a day and then go kill, lie, steal, rape and do everything under the sun that is prohibited in ANY religion.

The groom skin color is brown but the bride must be fair or bright brown. Well if the girl has to be willing to marry someone who has darker skin color than her... then WHY does he have a problem?

While the groom himself has 3 other siblings and THAT is not a small family in size, the bride unfortunately MUST be from a small family. Dude, shouldn't family planning have started right from your own?

She cannot be the eldest child of the family. Why? Because she might have responsibilities to her parents and younger sibling? And neither he or his family is willing to put up with it?

Let me tell you, in Bangladesh, men & women, don't marry each other. It is the families that get married to each other. So once she is married to him, she'll be required to overnight become a part of the family and treat his parents as her own or better with less than half the respect, honor, love and care that will be shown to their own daughter. Is that a worthy trade? The family here is clearly unwilling to take on any additional responsibility, yet they have a list of demand from the bride already which gives quite an interesting indication of how much more they will be demanding after marriage.

The groom has passed his Masters but he's looking for a Graduate. Obviously she not only has to be younger in age (easier to control) but will also have to  be less educated than him and absolutely not career oriented. I mean c'mon, they are blatantly stating that even though a service holder will do, she has to be willing to leave the job if necessary. More control issues with obvious underlying insecurities!

This is soooooooooooooooooooo wrong in sooooooooooooooo many different levels that honestly I am at a loss for words. The saddest thing is probably that someone or the other is bound to respond to this ad/offer and I can't think of anything worse than this for the woman who is proposed as the bride.

When people pray for marriage partners, when the religious leaders advised on what to look for in marriage partners, I honestly doubt that any of the above in the checklist was part of that advice. Women pray for soul mates, for someone who will treat them well, be their soul mate, their best friend. Some one who will bring out the best in them as they will for the other. Some one to have children with and love and laugh with for the rest of their lives. And no where in this ad/post/request/offer do I see any of that.........

Answer to this prayer? I think NOT !!!!!

For me to get this ... on Linkedin ... is simply hitting the bottom in so many ways! Women being dragged back thousands of years and I have to witness it? Silently? I think not.

Meditation & realizations

 Dhaka, Bangladesh.

I do not know how to meditate, meaning, I have never taken any classes on it. But I am going to this weekend. I am taking the Butthan Meditation course for 2 days, hoping that I will see the amazing changes that everyone claims manifests in their lives immediately following a meditation course. I guess what I am hoping for is more clarity, logic and a clearer picture in my head of where I am heading and how to travel down that road.

Since I do not know how to meditate, or maybe I do. After all... what is sitting in silence? what else can I call it when I spend time in solitude, letting my thoughts run around in my head. Taking note of them without getting involved in them? I guess that's my own way of meditating. Its the way that I like to think before making any decisions. Before any major decision, I need a couple of days time to think, to cover all my bases, to look at every possible scenerios. And when the decision is bound to have a major impact on my life... I need those days of solitude more than ever. 

I had written a little about this in my post "Karma, Prayers & Others" that I was doing some thinking... that I needed to make decisions that I have been putting off for over a year. ME, the impatient pro-active person, suddenly felt like I had procrastinated on this decision for far too long already. However 2-3 days of thinking and here's what I realized: I wasn't procrastinating, I wasn't making the decision simply because I wasn't ready to make that decision yet. I needed to make the decision now because I am finally in a place in my life from where I can make this decision. 

It made me realize the importance of waiting for the right time and place in our life to make certain decisions. How often have we tried to rush in our decisions? How often have we known that we are not yet ready to commit to something and yet still gone ahead and committed? How often have you made a decision that you knew in your gut was the wrong timing or decision?

Who doesn't want a promotion at work? Everyone does! Question is... are you ready for that promotion? Have you really learnt more? contributed more to the team? do you really deserve it? are you ready to soldier the additional responsibility that will be yours with that promotion? Or are you just pushing for the promotion cause you need the money? you have stayed in your current position too long already? I see this a lot. People jockeying for higher position with neither the capacity nor the ability to grow into that position. An incapable fool is the worst possible promoted boss to work under. Trust me, I have and its not pretty. 

But this is not a rant. Its a realization. Sometimes we want things because we want them. Sometimes we force things to happen before its time for them to happen because we think thats what's suppose to happen now. But maybe, just maybe, things aren't suppose to happen. Maybe events should be given the chance to unfold on their own time, in their own way, like a flower blooming, you can't force the bud to open until it is ready to. And maybe this decision is not a year and a half late, maybe I wasn't ready before and now I am making this decision because I am ready to make it, to commit to it. I think that actually went along the lines of one of Anais Nin's quote “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

So I guess the time has come for me to lay down some roots, to bloom right where I am planted. To allow the beauty of life to unfold right here and now and to quote Anais Nin again  "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." I guess going forward, my life will be affected much more by the courage I master and not just my best laid plans.

It is not going to be easy to live in Dhaka, a single divorced woman who lives on her own and is hell bent on curving her own life. To live by my own rules, my own laws, to respect none other than my own soul. No sir, this society will not like it. But now I know that I am not going anywhere else. I am staying right here. To fight it out, not just for myself, but others who might decide to follow the path that I lay. I know that I will have many repititve and downright depressing fights with my family over my decisions to continue to have male friends, to allow them into my home and to continue to resists being married again for the sake of that sign board titled "husband". I don't need that. In fact I don't think that there is anything that a man can give me that I can't give to myself, so instead of the signboard, this is what I chose for myself:

I cannot resist sharing another one of my favorite quote of her's that I just can't get enough of now. I find the ending beautiful since it declares the absence of pain.